no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my shit smells like andre
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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