The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
