I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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