Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hippo gnu deer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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