The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
