I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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