She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
