All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
