so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
