i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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