Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
