we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
