dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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