I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
