Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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