I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
