Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
