Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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