So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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