I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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