booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
