Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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