Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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