There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
