i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
