he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
