Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
