Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
