toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
