Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
