IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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