you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
