You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
