i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
