I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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