i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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