Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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