Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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