We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
