I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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