I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
