So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
