i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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