On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
