shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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