We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
