real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
