He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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