I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
