you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
