cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
