I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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