hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
