dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
