she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
