Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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