Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
