There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize