i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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