Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
