I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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