i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
