I wish my penis had an off switch
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
