You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
