I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
